Bonjour tristesse

"...for I am afraid that if I look at it closely, I shall revive memories that are too painful. Already I feel overwhelmed as I think of Anne's happy laugh, of her kindness to me. My conscience troubles me so much at those moments that I am obliged to resort to some expedient like lighting a cigarette, putting on a record, or telephoning to a friend. Then gradually I begin to think of something else. But I do not like having to take refuge in forgetfulness and frivolity instead of facing my memories and fighting them.

...

She straightened up, and I saw that her face was distorted; she was crying. Then I realized that I had attacked a living sensitive creature, not just an entity. She too must once have been a rather secretive little girl, then an adolescent, and after that a woman.... As for me, that poor miserable face was my work.

...

Only when I am in bed, at dawn, listening to the cars passing below in the streets of Paris, my memory betrays me: that summer returns to me with all its memories. Anne, Anne, I repeat over and over again softly in the darkness. Then something rises in me that I welcome by name, with closed eyes: Bonjour tristesse!"

Sagan, Bonjour Tristesse

－－她用了一種完全無腦的方法，去排解她那充滿 ambiguity ，或 contradiction ，的不快。無視了後果，只看見眼前。


To the one(s) that I love and unwittingly hurt...with remorse.