Something I Miss Dearly

Of my life back in Hong Kong there are moments that I miss dearly, and moments such as the following comes to my mind quite often.

Those who are close to me know that I used to have emotional breakdowns every now and then, always due to the same reason. There was a night such breakdown attacked me that I was crying desperately in my office. I just couldn't stop.

So I made this call to A, who upon hearing that devastating, heart-wrenching, pathetic voice (and knowing all the background) couldn't refuse (some could) to come and meet me.

We decided to meet in a restaurant convenient to both of us. A Tai Pai Dong sort of place (the sort of restaurant I miss A LOT now). And when I arrived the place A told me that he also called B, whom he knew I'll be happy to see (and I was), whom knew all of my stories (well they are not "stories: although at one stage I was made to "confess" that I made them all up), and whom is arriving soon. Normally it was not easy to ask B, who is a hermit, out, especially not under spontaneous circumstances. But he was coming.

With beers and bad food (who cares?) we three chatted and laughed things out. And cursed whoever (that you-know-who) deserved being cursed. I couldn't remember one single thing we talked about that night. but I was back into one piece when we said goodbye to each other.

I never told them how grateful I was but indeed I am most grateful for them and the idea that they are always there for me was one that gave me the strength to go on until that "&^%*@#&^" sort of came to an end. Especially now that, though I no longer have such breakdowns - and I have Tim, I don't have such friends here.

隨想

寫作原來真是一件孤獨的事。它本身並不孤獨，但需要孤獨，需要隔絕。像我現在清靜的時候少，寫的也越來越少越來越差了。

因而我今天也只有心情寫一些片斷隨想。

127 Hours 貧乏得可憐。我在 Facebook 上說：「一個字：撐。我講 Danny Boyle，唔係 Aron Ralston 。執翻把刀呀、就快無水飲呀、拍 video 呀咁，拖長又拖長，重覆又重覆。回憶片斷好抽離，無呀 Aron 隻手咁有血肉。」再補充一下：它的內容背叛了它的標題，那127小時的漫長與沮喪（假設，如有），心理上的127小時，電影一點也無意發掘， Danny Boyle 只是熱衷於把玩他拿手的迷幻攝影與剪接去講一個簡單空洞到不能再簡單空洞的故事（不知是不是性別的關係，整件事其實都不怎麼引起我興趣），童年、過去的回憶十分之 cliche ，也很想當然，不怎麼 personal（假如，那是對一個時代的回憶，也就很不同了），誇他牽扯到存在主義思考我覺得是有點太過了。

True Grit 雖然有戲謔成份（主要是 Jeff Bridges － The Dude VS John Wayne ），但顯然不是一部典型的高安兄弟電影，對我來說最有趣的是結尾－－高安兄弟不動聲息，從頭到尾沒有交代女孩（ Mattie Ross ）的心路歷程，卻在二十多年 Rooster 死後來一個踢爆戀父情結，不知正氣十足的原作有沒有這一幕呢？

說到翻拍，我終於親身體現荷里活熱衷翻拍人家傑作的其中一大理由。這裡的電影觀眾，大多患有字幕恐懼，至令我覺得厭惡的程度：上映的外語電影已經少之又少（比例跟香港簡直不能同日而語），遇有他們覺得不是英語的 alien titles，他們會問「Is it subtitled？」留意，是 Is it subtitled ，而不是 Is it French？、 Is it Italian？Why is it even an issue? 有時真係覺得講多句都嘥氣。一旦是 subtitled ，就耍手兼呤頭。TIM 在大學教 International cinemas，第一課問在座的看過 subtitled film 沒有，舉手的小貓三數（不過至少他們選了這一科，肯看）。要餵食喜歡留在井底的觀眾，唯有拍個英語版囉（當然，這是我的猜想，就算成立，也只是這個城市的現像）。

或許香港觀眾應該慶幸，荷里活的主導至少令我們對字幕習以為常，不會有這種離奇抗拒現像，加之我們的無根、與 hybridity ，令我們對外來文化樂於開放、吸納，也因而有更多機會，接觸外面的世界。 Such is one of the weird moments when I feel proud of Hong Kong...

別了，高峰秀子

並沒有聽說過高峰秀子得肺癌的消息，想必消息隱密，她也是頗隱密的人。

去年八月友人寄來這本新出版的《高峰秀子自薦十三作》，並有她對大部份參演電影的自述，收到後一直未有時間細閱；沒想到是因為秀子離世的消息，促使我開卷翻閱。現在想來，一定是有所準備的遺作了。

高峰秀子個人的虛無感（她生母早逝，生父此後即將她過繼給妹妹，父女感情稀薄，雖然遇上幾個非常疼愛她－－至有點變態－－的電影人和養父母家庭，她在婚前都是抱著一種無可無不可的態度面對人生），為她內斂的演繹添上一層雲霧之氣。秀子始終與成瀨成瀨巳喜男最合拍，是成瀨最能發掘她的氣質，也是她的氣質最合成瀨詠嘆的女人哀愁。她為他演繹無數脆弱而堅定、不甘為命運播弄的女子，因為那種倔強，她們的生命特多波折，正是成瀨鍾愛的林芙美子一句「花的一生短暫而多苦」。她們既不屈服，也不自憐，只是抱著明知無望的心情，昂然走下去，以堅執面對虛無。

（我以為，喜歡高峰秀子的必然也喜歡她的角色，必然明白痛與頹）

秀子在自傳中憶述成瀨向她提出的一個心願：「我希望某天可以拍一部這樣的電影：沒有佈景，也沒有色彩，只有一片白色背景......沒有任何障礙，白色背景跟前就是舞台。到時秀子會為我演出嗎？」。成瀨彌留之際再次提起這個心願，只說道「約定的事」，秀子馬上意會，可見兩人相知之深。



應該慶幸，秀子一生既不短暫，亦不多苦。事實上，她的一生滿多姿多采的，遊歷甚豐，亦著作無數，當中包括自傳、散文、食譜、遊記，與谷崎潤一郎及梅原龍三郎私交甚篤。

我嘗以風流靈巧形容秀子，再沒有更貼切的了。

按：高峰秀子自選十三作依次為
《馬》（山本嘉次郎）
《春之戲》（山本嘉次郎）
《雁》（豊田四郎）
《二十四隻眼睛》（木下惠介）
《浮雲》（成瀨巳喜男）
《張込み》（野村芳太郎）
《手車夫之戀》（稲垣浩）
《女人踏上樓梯時》（成瀨巳喜男）
《同命鳥》（松山善三）
《山河あり》（松山善三）
《放浪記》（成瀨巳喜男）
《華岡青洲之妻》（增村保造）
《恍惚の人》（豊田四郎）

我以為，這是事業總結（包含大部份與她合作過的導演，丈夫松山善三也在其中）多於是她最動人的作品（我選的話會很不同），比較奇怪的是當中沒有小津導演、田中絹代合演的《宗方姊妹》。

Love Crime - 誰看了？

（真係好刺激我神經）

受傷的孩子？

有人推介我看 Bertrand Tavernier 的 Des Enfants Gâtés （《受傷的孩子》）。

法國人拍婚外情，不會有道德包袱，也無須強調偷情的快感，一切來得自然又理所當然，在《受傷的孩子》裡還有社會運動作背景，那份真實感令人動容。縱使對白是那麼 cliche （都是你能想到的聽過的），但也許是為著 Michel Piccoli 老練滄桑的演繹，看到他與 Christine Pascal 分開，一副委屈的樣子，背後歌曲唱著，「然後我們都經歷了愛情，嚐過傷害的滋味，然後長大......」（大意），似一頭受傷的狼，在孤獨的城市找不到慰藉，狼也有受傷的時候－－我真有點感動。不過且慢－－刻劃　Christine Pascal　（其實我真不太頂得順她那一絲不苟的妝容！）跟有婦之夫交往的心態與反應，完全由男人的角度出發，太想當然根本缺乏深度，特別是她想繼續又想放手的矛盾，經過男人視角的過濾，被蕩滌為一時一樣、難以捉摸的女性魅力（ Thanks for the compliments though ）。最後一個鏡頭特寫她的淚光，但他不可能看到那一幕，所以還是一廂情願。我並不是不相信她會傷心，我只是接受不了男人必須要相信女人也傷心。

我也並不是不相信間中男人也會混淆愛情與消遣或色慾，但假如前提是有妻子，又不會離開她，甚至也還愛她，又憑甚麼說愛情和傷害？所以到尾還是男人的自憐與幻想。噢，然後男人會搖搖頭說，你哪懂？對，我不懂。

所以呢，我還是喜歡莎岡的 A Certain Smile ；或者，當然是盧馬的《午後之愛》。

不過我還是感謝這個推介。 I actually enjoyed watching it.

Some Updates on Films, Books...

Over the last 2 months I had been very busy with my job at the Brisbane International Film Festival. The new life here sort of changes my writing habit, or in fact all of my habits. I actually become very domestic, lazy and laid-back.

Some brief notes on the films I saw recently:

Somewhere. D: Sophia Coppola

I never liked her. Quite disgusted with Lost in Translation with her superficial and condescending attitude. I don't mind her as a filmmaker and indeed the films were well made, but isn't she a bit overrated?

To say that I did not enjoy Somewhere would be a lie. It is well made, a couple of nice moments even. Liked the zoom-out when father and daughter were lying together at the poolside - she is good at such kind of shots that depicts a decadent emptiness, another one I remember very well is the sunrise shot in Marie Antoinette. But isn't sophia's vision a bit too narrow? I wonder if she is able to look at human condition in a perspective that is beyond her bourgeois/materialistic mentality. Again I don't mind it as a film, but Golden Lion, are you kidding me? A famous actor's empty life, oh well, when we have, say, La Dolce Vita, do we need Somewhere?

Certified Copy. D: Abbas Kiarostami

Speaking of need. Here's a film we need.

Starts with a discussion on replicas (and authenticity, and originality, and creativity) and the man being cynical about the idea ends up replicating somebody's else life, and that's when he start thinking about it all over again...A Kiatostami version In the Mood for Love?

There are films that challenge us, surprise us, entice us, but this is a film that we need. It unravels the soul, intoxicates it, and then consoles it, at last perplexes it. A very to-the-point - ok if also cliched discussion of male/female dialects/sensibility, and then, also a look into life's bitter-sweetness. Oh you laugh, and feel sorrowful deep down. So true to life. The intellectual conversations are also reminiscent of the good old days Eric Rohmer. I am most satisfied when I walked out from the cinema.

Enter the Void. D: Gaspar Noe

Came out from the cinema feeling totally fucked up and depressed. But there certainly is a cathartic (and I daresay, calming) effect. You so have to watch it in a cinema, and to sink into it. A very good cinematic experience.

Welcome to the Rileys. D: Jake Scott

I am not ashamed to admit that I watched it for Kristen Stewart's sake. But also for Tony Soprano. I know it's cliche, but those who follow this blog would know this is the kind of film I will go to. James Gandolfini cute and sexy, KStewart laid-back as usual, funny combination.

- - -

Apart from the movies, I am reading Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar. This all started with the conversation between me and Tim's friend who is a charming lecturer teaching Shakespeare and Creative Writing. At one point he was quoting an imagery Sylvia used in the book and I went to get it right away. Sylvia wrote this only novel a couple of months before she committed suicide in 1963. The novel, however, is a good laugh with a dark and odd sense of humour. Poor and lovely Sylvia.

Arabic Perfume

My new favourite: Arabic Perfume.

I had seen an empty bottle in Tim's best friend's place before and the scent was extremely special. I told her I love that scent in time - right before she set off to Palestine 3 weeks ago. And when she came back and she had a bottle for me! Made in Bahrain. Truly authentic. Please envy.



And oddly enough, this afternoon I found 上海蜂花香皂 for sale in China Town. AUD1.6 only...